A friend recently mentioned she had a selling party and only one guest showed up. Her comment triggered a story I heard from another friend. He had a birthday party as a young boy, and no one came. There were legitimate reasons: the weather was bad, and he lived in a rural area. But he was devastated. Friends let him down.
Then I remembered my cookie exchange party from years ago. I was new to the neighborhood and thought the exchange would be a fun venue to get to know people. Sure it was a busy season, but if we each baked one kind of cookie, we could sort, share and save time. Out of the 10 invited bakers, no one came. But, so they could get the goodies, three people delivered cookies ahead of time. I dutifully redistributed these cookies so each contributor received a fair share. Here’s the baffling part. I knew two of the bakers, but the third one had rung our doorbell and anonymously given my husband the cookies.
That left a dilemma—who deserved that final cookie tray? I tried to track down the rightful owner by phone calls, and I even knocked on a few doors with cookies in hand. “They look delicious; but they are not ours.” I never discovered the cookie owner.
It’s a slightly amusing story, but rejection, even from a flopped cookie party, is painful. We each experience that feeling of being excluded, because imperfect people let us down. (I certainly failed the person who never got her cookies!)
Recently, a person I have loved for a long time deflated me. Because of recent circumstances this individual jettisoned long-held commitments and passions. This chameleon transformation hurt. Someone I respected turned out to be quite self-focused. During our recent talk, I realized that as long as I gave attention to lengthy one-sided conversations this person was happy. But as I listened, I kept longing for, “And how are you doing?”
I tried talking this out with The Talker. You know, “caring enough to confront.” But my fumbling attempt flew right over the person’s understanding. We went down a rabbit hole, and there was miscommunication. I decided it was better just to listen. Ouch!
After sharing this experience with a wise woman, she told me some people don’t have the “capacity” to meet our expectations. She said she often refers to the instruction of Psalms 62:5: “My soul, wait only upon God; for my expectation is from him.”
I like the thought of waiting for God, of making him the center of expectation when friends let me down. After all, he has a good track record. Proverb 18:24 say he is a friend that sticks closer than any sibling. God knows what total rejection is all about. He remembers that we are dust (Psalm 103:14), and yet he declares he will never leave us nor abandon us (Matthew 28:20; Deuteronomy 31:8). There is no rejection in that. I feel better already!